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The Miscommunication Files (Condensed)

THE ORIGINAL: Me: The refugees are still in Ramadan, aren't they? Stephen: The refugees are stealing our mutton?! Me: I will drink this milk before it goes bad, so help me! Stephen (singing Monsters Inc): So help me, so help me! Me: No.... So HELP me! Help me drink it! After I get out of my shower, with my mascara and eyeliner all smudgy. Stephen: "You look like one of those.... Oh, what's that animal? I think it's a rodent?" Me: "Do you mean a panda?" Stephen: "Yeah!" Me: "Pandas aren't rodents! That's an insult to pandas everywhere!" (I think he was thinking of raccoons.) Stephen: "Raindrops on roses and warm purple kittens..." Me: "...Warm purple kittens?!" Stephen: "Who are you to judge my favorite things?!" I have no words. While we are playing Words With Friends. Stephen: "Don't look! Don't look! You will tremble at my letters." Stephanie: "Y...
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I'm Huuuuuunnnngrryyy!

Sometimes I'm just really annoying.  Especially when I'm hungry. I was sitting on the couch, doing my Bible study.  Stephen was seated in front of me on the floor with his laptop, blocking my legs, so I couldn't get out with much ease.  So I started saying, "I'm huuuuuunnngryyy!  I'm huuuuunnnnngryyy!" over and over again, until he suggested a piece of cheese.  That sounded okay to me.  I returned to my Bible study and he returned to his laptop.  He was just looking at Facebook, which I didn't find to be a very good excuse for ignoring my request.  After a few more minutes, I reminded him, "I'm hungry!" "I WILL BE WITH YOU IN A MOMENT!" Stephen said, unintentionally responding as he would to an impatient person on the phone at his workplace.  He realized what he'd done and added for humor's sake, "Your call is very important to me." I laughed and laughed and laughed.  I've never had my husband say to me, ...
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Pedicure Love

I stuck my feet in the hot, bath salted water, prepared to let my feet absorb all the feel-goodness.  But I saw the water level raise significantly when I stuck my first foot in, and when I stuck my second one in, over the side sloshed the water! "I should've got a towel!" I said aloud.  Then, after a moment, "...Honey?"  Stephen was studiously watching some YouTube videos.  I put on my sweetest smile and asked, "Could you please get me a towel?  I filled it too full." My sweet husband got me a towel and even placed it under the bin for me. I once again slid in my feet, water sloshing over the edge until it reached just below the rim of the tub.  "I gotta do this for, like, 10 minutes or something... Oh darn it!  Why didn't I get a book or something?  The things I don't think of..."  I slid my eyes over to Stephen again, who had sat back down on the couch.  I let the silence draw out a little. Stephen looked back at me with raised eye...
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Non Sequitur Conversations

My friend Brooke posted a very funny "Conversation in a noisy restaurant" with her and her friends.  I laughed and told her it sounded like Stephen and me, only we don't need a noisy restaurant as an excuse. Here's the latest: Stephanie: "I need a pin." Stephen: "What do you need a pen for?" Stephanie: "For my dress." Stephen: "No, just print it off. Stephanie: (Uncomprehending look) Stephen: "We don't have the GPS." *facepalm*
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